


Who's That Cat?

by Haywire



Category: New Girl
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-04-24
Packaged: 2017-12-09 08:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/pseuds/Haywire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jessica brings a new pet into the apartment, all heck breaks loose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who's That Cat?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aoife_hime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoife_hime/gifts).



> A treat written for aoife_hime for the Rare Women Fanfic Exchange 2013. Hope you enjoy it! :)

Winston shut the door behind him as he entered the apartment, frowning as he looked around but didn’t spy any of his roommates.

“Hello? Anybody home?”

Jess came around the corner and stared at him with wide eyed excitement. “WINSTON!”

“Uh-oh. I do _not_ like it when you look at me like that,” he said. “What’s going on? Where is everyone? Is Nick home?” He started to take his jacket off as he spoke.

“WINSTON COME HELP! NO TIME TO TAKE THAT OFF!” Jess reached out and prevented him from taking his coat off, pausing as she felt its fabric. “Oh yeah, no, leave it on, that might actually be a good thing. That feels tough. And Nick’s fine, he’s in the bathroom.”

“Say what now?” He raised an eyebrow, leaving the jacket on for the time being. “You remember that house meeting we had about drinking in the day time, right?”

“Um, uh, it’s sad, don’t do it, especially Schmidt because he just gets sad and brings everyone down, plus he gets even more obnoxious when he’s drunk?” Jess answered while continuing down the hallway and into the kitchen.

“Those are the highlights, yes,” Winston nodded.

“Winston, I’m not drunk, I promise!” she said, emphasizing her statement with a stamp of her foot. “Now help me find some kitty litter.”

“...come here, let me smell your breath.” He snapped his fingers to get her attention, waving for Jess to come forward with his other hand. “Did Schmidt leave that damn absinthe he bought online laying around again? Is that what you’ve gotten into?”

“Nuh-uh, it’s for Mr. Jingles.” she said matter-of-factly while rummaging through the fridge.

“Mr. Who Now? This had better not be another imaginary friend, Jess, because fool me once, shame on you, fool me _twice_...”

“He’s in the bedroom, right there, go look for yourself. And oh,” Jess snapped her fingers. “Take this with you, please?” She removed the milk from the fridge, pulled down a dish from the cupboards, and poured some of the milk into it, handing the bowl to Winston as she walked past. “Thank youuuuuuuuu!”

“I’m not playing, Jess. I’ve got things to do!” Winston yelled as she disappeared around the corner again. He looked down at the dish, then back up at the bedroom door to which Jess had indicated. “Oh, who am I kidding, no I don’t.” he muttered and headed for the bedroom.

“HEY WHERE DO WE KEEP THE IODINE WINSTON?” Jess yelled.

“In the medicine cabinet, right next to the bandages!” he replied before entering the room. “Oh hey, you weren’t lying. There’s a nice kitty...” Winston closed the door. Immediately after he did a loud, howling sound emanated from the room, the sound of a cat hissing and screeching. “AHHH WHAT IS THIS THING?!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JESS WHAT THE HELL?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!” screamed Nick from the bathroom, nearly in synch with his roommate.

“SHHH YOU BABY IT’S IODINE, IT’LL HELP!” said Jess. The cat’s screaming continued outside, accompanied by the sound of a dish hitting the floor and shattering and, finally, of a Winston-sized man falling to the ground and scrambling on his hands and knees.

Winston emerged from the room, slamming the door shut and leaning against it as he panted, trying hard to catch his breath.

“JESS I THINK I’VE GOT RABIES! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME TRY TO FEED THAT CREATURE?! IT’S SO ITCHY! MAKE IT STOP!” Nick yelled. He came running around the corner towards the kitchen, fervently scratching his right forearm.

“Nick! Are you ok, man?” wheezed Winston.

“Winston! You’re alive!” Nick grabbed the man, hugging him tightly for an instant before pulling back, hands on Winston’s shoulders, and leveled a serious gaze at him. “Did you see it? The hellcat?”

“I did. I barely got out.” He looked down at the spilled milk on his pants and shoes, shaking his head. “What _is_ that thing?”

“As far as I can ascertain, it’s the spawn of Satan. This may be one of the signs of the Apocalypse.”

“You _guys_ , it’s just a little kitten!” Jess said, rolling her eyes as she strided around the corner, a small bottle of iodine in one hand and a facecloth in the other. “Now come here, Nick, I’m not finished.”

“YES YOU ARE YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME WOMAN!” Nick deftly shifted position to stand behind Winston, peering over his roommate’s shoulder.

“Mr. Jingles is not a bad kitty!” she said, stomping again.

“Oh, he’s a bad kitty. A very, _very_ bad kitty!” Winston argued.

“Who’s a bad kitty?” said Schmidt, who was walking through the door and who had caught the tail end of the conversation. “Is Cece here? Does she want to see me?” he said seriously. “Kitty’s been bad and needs Daddy to make her purr, oh yeah. Well, wait no longer, Daddy’s here.”

“JAR.” said the three of them in unison, all pointing to said jar.

“Wait, no. You’re right, Schmidt.” Nick said, exchanging looks with Jess and Winston, who returned the look with confusion. “She’s in there, tiger.” He nodded to Mr. Jingles’ temporary home, then patted Schmidt on the shoulder. “And she’s all yours.”

“I just knew she’d come around sooner or later!” Schmidt said, grinning broadly. He grabbed Nick’s face with both hands, leaned it, and kissed him on the cheek, before letting out a whoop and all but running toward the bedroom.

“Should we...” said Jess as he entered the room.

“I mean...” started Winston as the door closed.

Schmidt’s high pitched scream, nearly matched in pitch by Mr. Jingles - but not quite - pierced the apartment.

“Nah, he’ll figure it out.” Nick finished with a shrug. “So, who’s up for ordering a pizza for supper?”

“Thank God, I’m starving.” said Winston, finally taking off his coat.

“Ooh, maybe they can deliver some cat food too, yeah?” Jess added as they went to look through their comprehensive stack delivery menus.


End file.
